AGENT PROVOCATEUR
By MARSMEATBARS
I started as a Pleb on Bitcoin Twitter. Now I’m a Fed. My name is Mars Fed Bars and I’m an AGENT PROVOCATEUR.
Before being recruited by The Agency, I discovered a money laundering scheme tied to the Department of Defense. The scheme was organized by two individuals: 1) a high level, publicly disclosed CIA operative with extensive experience in the capital markets – an individual who was involved in the negotiations of both Iran Contra and the bailout of Long-Term Capital Management & 2) a well known Bitcoin influencer.
Don’t believe me? Here’s a hint: Applied Physics Lab, March 2009.
Before posting my findings to Bitcoin Twitter, my phone was hacked. They found 2 Bitcoins on a hot wallet and proof of drug related activity. I also sent some compromising photos to an undercover agent and now I’m being blackmailed into working for the state.
But it’s pretty based, actually. I get to shitpost on Twitter and receive full medical benefits with a matched 401k contribution of up to 6% of my salary. And I get to keep working my regular fiat job if I want to. Or I can pretend to be unemployed. Or I can start a Bitcoin business. It’s my choice. The Agency is good to its employees.
My official title is now AGENT PROVOCATEUR. I’m being trained by coworkers who were embedded into various movements such as: January 6, Proud Boys, Keystone Pipeline Protest, r/The_Donald, Minecraft, World of Warcraft and Anonymous. The agents training me were trained by the previous generation of agents who had successfully infiltrated the MLK movement, Hells Angels, Black Panthers, hippie counterculture, punk rock counterculture, NCAA, Mormons and the campus protests against the Vietnam War.
We have a long history of doing what we do; we are very good at doing it. We are the most powerful and skilled intelligence apparatus ever. We’re the fucking best. We’re the GOAT. We know what makes you laugh. We know what makes you cry. We know what the Bitcoin community wants and we give it to them.
And you’ll find me on Twitter Spaces. This is where I prove I’m just a regular person. This is where we commiserate over Clown World. This is where we become best friends. But we also contribute to your group chats and hop in your DMs.
And if we need to, we’ll start calling you on the phone. We’ll groom you into believing you’re in control, not us. We’ll even convince you to conceal to others how close we’ve become.
But if you become uncontrollable, especially if you have compromising knowledge on the Department of Defense, we’ll send one of our field agents to intercept you. To meet you face-to-face and tell you to stop posting to Twitter. To intimidate you into compliance. To send a message.
You don’t believe any of this, do you? I’m not f*cking around. Here’s another hint: Currency Wars.
Yes, we operate IRL too. We go to the local meetups. We party with you at the conferences and introduce you to our families. My wife is in The Agency too. Spy rings have always grown their networks within familial ties. This shit is standard. Look up Aldrich and Rosario Ames, or Ethel and Julius Rosenberg, or Walker Spy Ring.
We are in every anti-state, anti-tax, expat curious, pro 2A movement that has existed in the last 100 years. The head of Occupy Wall Street was a fed named Sabu. This shit is standard.
So what are my goals as an AGENT PROVOCATEUR working for The Agency? To answer this question, let me first dispel some rumors:
I am NOT on Bitcoin Twitter to collect your information. I am NOT on Bitcoin Twitter to entrap you into illegal activity. I am NOT here to troll the community, to cause chaos within, nor cause division among your friends. Those are acts of social disruption which fall within a method called “simple sabotage.” This is a tactic used by our enemy – the freedom fighter.
Us feds prefer an orderly movement to infiltrate. We want a predictable environment. We want to rise within. We prefer to blind you with our friendship and love. We are not on Bitcoin Twitter to destroy the community, but to co-opt it.
And this isn’t about Bitcoin. Bitcoin doesn’t care. Bitcoin doesn’t care about you or me. We’re not here to stop Bitcoin. We can’t stop Bitcoin. “Tik tok next block” is real. The Agency can’t do anything about that. This isn’t about Bitcoin.
This is about the social movement advocating for the separation of money and state. It’s about the movement bootstrapping itself to the most powerful financial asset of all time. It’s about the movement which eagerly awaits others to join their cause, that speaks truth to posterity, that despises Washington DC, Wall Street, Silicon Valley and the US Dollar.
So our primary goal is to stop others from joining. That’s why we’re here. And to do this, we want to make you as unattractive to precoiners as possible. We want you talking about flat earth. We want you pushing false conspiracies. We want you obsessing about the Jews. And it doesn’t matter if your hate for the Jews is justified or unjustified. The more you hate them the more it’ll keep NPC precoiners from joining your movement.
And we’re distracting you from what’s really important – Bitcoin. And we want you tweeting about anything that will get you shadow banned, that gets you censored, that makes you look hateful, that makes you look stupid. This is how we’ve gotten The New York Times, The Economist and CBS News to publish stories labeling Bitcoin “far-right” and “white supremacist.”
This is how we grind your movement to a halt. We do it all the time. Don’t believe me? Then you haven’t done your research. This shit is standard.
My job as an AGENT PROVOCATEUR isn’t to destroy the movement within, but to discredit you all to the rest of the world.
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Note from Stackchain Magazine: No Bitcoin (or inferior monies) were exchanged for this article. If you’ve never crossed swords with Mars you can find him on X @MARSMEATBARS or Nostr MARS SPITS BARS. If you’d like to send MARS some 丰 for the article you can do so via LNURL justpanther11@primal.net